Monday 28 May 2007

A lot better

Yes, its a case of being a puppet and / or victim of sociological and cutltural patterns and conditions which i am finding hard to break. Thanks Priya for at least helping me put into words what i couldn't till now. I am bored sometimes. Yes, i know its only in my head like all the other things that are disturbing me but co-existing quite peacefully in my head. I could throw it out if i tried. But then I am worried my mind would then be empty. And we all have heard that an empty mind is a devil's workshop. And a devils workshop can never be empty, can it? So no point in moving out all that is there unless i find something to replace it all. Sounds confusing? Well, that's in my head too... What i really need is loads of courage, tons of money, a visa to all the places i want to see and a good friend (can do without the friend, with tons of money, i can find a bodyguard). The rest of the stuff i can pick up along the way. That i think will help me put down roots and settle down rather than feel restless all the time. (After all the travelling, i figure i'd get bored of it and just not want to go anywhere) There are a lot of things i want to do. And courage to voice them all. I know i don't want to live life on anyone else's terms but my own. What is right or wrong or grey. I think its only perception that colours everything. Nothing is right or wrong. Just like an object appears to be a color in one light and another in another light, i feel its only perspective that defines right, wrong, red, blue, black, grey, happy, sad, mad, sanity... everthing. (I cant think of anything more to write... and if this entire blog seems disjointed, then, i accept the blame. I have just written what i felt like, not bothering about what people will feel / say. I am definitely proud of that. Maybe i will be able to talk and say to friends what i really want and then found more of me that is lost.)

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