pretty good narrative...her past is intriguing and i want to get to the part where her past is revealed... did she see her boyfriend in the house when she opened the door??
Ambica, do ensure you wrap this one up and no laaga chunari mein whatever please. Hell, we are grown up and could seriously do with some dire ending. :)
loved your pitter-patter; has surely increased in intensity and noise...drum up a crescendo now.
Her roof had caved in & the rain was pouring through..all sorts of hideous water insects were crawling on the wall..she suddenly experiences a nasty sting on her left toe and lets out a blood curdling scream !!
There was a writing on the wall in blood. It was cryptic and seemed to suggest something. A secret that appeared to connect her with her past. Something that Ameya wanted to run away from..
Am I right?
I'd love to have a Martini.. shaken but not stirred
Just read your post. I think that issue here lies with the fact that you chose to narrate it than dramatise it. Narration is as hard as it appears to be easy and the tone sets way for the pace. Now it becomes a challenge on what factor would you like to push on henceforth like.. variations in the tone or variations in the pace. I think this effort looks very singular and the only moment I was curious was when you asked that question on "What do you think happenned?" The best thing about your posts I felt was your spontaneity. I think - you ought to retain what comes naturally to you and expand the possibilities Via your spontaneous imagination. That would be adding value to what you house in your head.
Ok...wat happened is, she unlocks the door and steps in...when her eyes adjust to the darkness she finds herself looking at wire trimmed whips, spiked clubs, serrated scalpels and nasty knuckle dusters.With a sinking feeling she realizes that she's unwittingly walked into the terrifying abode of her sadistic neighbour Pappu. Now, the question on top of everyone's mind...how the hell could she UNLOCK Pappu's door with her house key...as the original writer of this electrifying thriller, it's ur reponsibility to come up with a plausible scenario :D
Nitpick: Never saw Ameya being used as a feminine name.
ReplyDeletepretty good narrative...her past is intriguing and i want to get to the part where her past is revealed... did she see her boyfriend in the house when she opened the door??
ReplyDeletehey mjc, since the story is fictional, the name is too
ReplyDeletedearest aru, no she dint see the boyfriend. and thanks!!
ReplyDeleteAmbica, do ensure you wrap this one up and no laaga chunari mein whatever please. Hell, we are grown up and could seriously do with some dire ending. :)
ReplyDeleteloved your pitter-patter; has surely increased in intensity and noise...drum up a crescendo now.
Her roof had caved in & the rain was pouring through..all sorts of hideous water insects were crawling on the wall..she suddenly experiences a nasty sting on her left toe and lets out a blood curdling scream !!
ReplyDeletehey i am really eager to know the rest of the story..whn r u penning it down..good narration..harshita
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThere was a writing on the wall in blood. It was cryptic and seemed to suggest something. A secret that appeared to connect her with her past. Something that Ameya wanted to run away from..
ReplyDeleteAm I right?
I'd love to have a Martini.. shaken but not stirred
Just read your post. I think that issue here lies with the fact that you chose to narrate it than dramatise it. Narration is as hard as it appears to be easy and the tone sets way for the pace. Now it becomes a challenge on what factor would you like to push on henceforth like.. variations in the tone or variations in the pace. I think this effort looks very singular and the only moment I was curious was when you asked that question on "What do you think happenned?" The best thing about your posts I felt was your spontaneity. I think - you ought to retain what comes naturally to you and expand the possibilities Via your spontaneous imagination. That would be adding value to what you house in your head.
ReplyDeleteOk...wat happened is, she unlocks the door and steps in...when her eyes adjust to the darkness she finds herself looking at wire trimmed whips, spiked clubs, serrated scalpels and nasty knuckle dusters.With a sinking feeling she realizes that she's unwittingly walked into the terrifying abode of her sadistic neighbour Pappu. Now, the question on top of everyone's mind...how the hell could she UNLOCK Pappu's door with her house key...as the original writer of this electrifying thriller, it's ur reponsibility to come up with a plausible scenario :D
ReplyDelete